Already? Finally!

Some might say that I continue to be a hovering mother, doing what he should be doing himself. But having just ironed my son's graduation gown, I don't think so. Yes, there is the possibility that he would have melted it using a too-hot iron, but that's beside the point. As I prepared this clothing for the ritual of pomp and circumstance, I found myself thinking about the time I sewed the cutest pair of plaid flannel overalls for him when he was a baby. Back when he was soft, sweet, and all ours. He used to come in to my room in the morning looking for a sticker because he dressed himself. I would draw happy faces on the back of his hand with my makeup pencils, and it would take him half an hour to eat a granola bar. (One, because it was a lot to eat for a little kid, and two, because he talks so much!)

I hope that tonight he will squeeze my hand one last time before he walks off to find his place in line and enter the next part of his life. He is still sweet, but not all ours any longer.

Subtracting or Adding?

Traditionally, Lent is a time for "giving up" something. People give up chocolate (no way!) or coffee, I've heard some people are giving up Facebook for 7 weeks. Not me. I'm taking a different track - I 'm not giving something up; I'm taking something up.

Tonight was the first meeting of my Lenten Study group. There are ten of us, studying scripture and our study guide is called "It's Hard to Dance with the Devil on Your Back." This happens to be a lyric from the hymn "Lord of the Dance" which has nothing to do with Michael Flatley and those Irish tap dancers. Except maybe it does. We discovered that that Irish dancing was developed at a time when dancing was restricted in Ireland. Since they were only allowed to move their feet and ankles, they developed a dance that could help them express their joy even under restrictive circumstances. And, of course, this is what the entire bible study is about this season - keeping in tune with the joy and the holy spirit even when things are tough, falling apart, or not what you wanted; when the devil is on your back.

I was glad to hear from one of the members of the group about her impressions of me years ago when I first joined my church. She had wondered about me at the time, and she said she was never sure if I was open to being greeted by others or not. She wasn't sure how or if to approach me. She told me that she's watched me blossom - and still am blossoming - into a spirit-filled person. I felt so blessed to hear this from her, knowing that at another time in my life, I might have been insulted or felt like justifying my behavior upon hearing such memories.  But I didn't feel that at all. I'm blessed to be given a mirror to the past for a moment, to see a glimpse of how much my life has changed in the last 11 or so years. Indeed, I am being led by the spirit into a fuller life, a fuller marriage, deeper friendships, and a more meaningful attitude toward life. I don't have any more money, though. There are things around here that needed fixing just as bad as they did 11 years ago. I still wish I had a remodeled kitchen, a back fence, and someone else to do my dusting. But those things are not so important compared to the peace of mind I have now that I did not have before. It's all going to be alright. I have what I need. I don't really need what I want.

I'm glad I took something up this Lent. This group is going to be wonderful company on the road to the cross.

Blessed Christmas

I saw and heard so much this Christmastime. I feel at peace, aside from my son giving himself a slight injury from a gift he got from his accomplice/father.  My own heart was calm and full, knowing the blessings I've been given. Love, home, family, friends, food, laughter, music...all that I'm thankful for. I love that Advent was more than shopping for me, and our bible study was spiritual food for others as well as for me.  I am keenly aware of several friends who are experiencing their first Christmas without the someone they love, and I am grateful that they are surrounded by close family and friends who can share the challenge with them.

I spent time praying, as well, as I hope we all do, for those who do know feel the peace we may feel. Those who are missing someone special, those who are angry or stressed, confused or at odds with people they love. There are people who have lost their way or lost their "mojo" and are just trying to steer themselves down the middle of the river again. I pray that all these are blessed with peace, comfort, forgiveness, renewed energy and health. I pray that those who would bless them are able to do so. If it is me who must do it, I pray that I recognize the moment when it is upon me, and am able to be God's arms and voice rather than my own, and can deliver the blessing that he asks me to bring.

God bless us, everyone.

Mother Mary

Since I was a little girl, Mary, mother of Jesus, has been special to me. I remember watching The Song of Bernadette with my mom when I was a girl, and it had a profound effect on me. It made me think that something special could happen to me, too, someday.  Mary was the topic in our small group this week, and was the subject of the sermon in church today. And the music was so special; it was emotional for me, and Dody and Carol often sing so beautifully that it brings me to tears.

As it turned out, something special did happen to me one day. The story of Mary finding out what her destiny was to be reminds me of my own discovery when I was expecting Steven. It had been all but declared impossible by specialists, so I did perceive it as a miracle. My joy of knowing that I was going to have a baby was echoed in the words today from Luke: My soul magnifies the Lord..." 

Our experience in Advent is one of waiting, hoping, and praying, making our hearts ready. Every day, my own heart turns more toward the Breath of Heaven. What a special time.

.

The Power of Competence

A great day at school is hard to beat. Surrounded by a room full of SCIENTISTS, developing their own electricity experiements, gathering data, charting, and questioning is awesome; so exciting for them, and so exciting for me. Electromagnets are FUN.  It's more fun because they know how to chart their data and how to talk about the data now, and it leads them to ask more questions.

On top of that, we're heading into multi-digit multiplication territory now, which is heady stuff, and all the hard-nosed, no-excuses, you'll-do-one-hundred-basic-facts-problems-every-night-on-top-of-your-other-homework demands that I put on the kids are really paying off. They are becoming competent, which leads to confidence. They don't complain anymore about the 100 problems, either. The other day I told them that the only homework they had was the 100 problems, and they cheered.

I've got one of those amarylis bulbs just starting to grow in my room right now. They take a while to root and start growing. HOWEVER, once they take root, they can grow up to 5 inches A DAY. Before you know it, I'm going to have 4-6 enormous blossoms opening up on the window sill.  I'm always seeing analogies, and this amarylis one is aimed at a couple of kids in my room. I had them both last year, too, so we go back a while. They have exhibited the same growth pattern. I have watched them go from insecure, "helpless" and uninvolved to comanding, competent, and confident. I can see the seriousness of their thinking on their faces, read it in their writing, and confirm it in the scores on their tests. These kids are on a roll, and the best part is that I KNOW that they can feel it, too. They are happier, calmer, more helpful to others, and more patient. They've made themselves into LEARNERS and it's made all the difference in how they think about themselves and their place in the world. It's a quickening that is palpable in the room.

Oh, no. Teachers don't do it for the money. We do it for the blossoms!

Week END.

I know that I’m not the only one who comes to 8:30 on Sunday night wondering what happened to the weekend. Just yesterday morning, I got up early and was relaxed as I had the whole weekend ahead of me. Now, as usual, I’m stubbornly refusing to get ready for bed as if I’m a 7-year old. Not getting ready for bed means that the day is not over yet.

Today was exhausting. I spent most of it at church, where I and my brothers and sisters of the church grappled with some tough decision making. Our church is shrinking and we must change the way we do some things as a result. Other things, we love so dearly that we don’t want to let them go. Over reaching all of this is the realization that we must refocus on the business of discipleship and having a personal relationship, each of us, with our Creator. My own experience in having these tough conversations today was a good one. Everyone was respectful, serious, and thoughtful.  I believe we moved forward, even if not to complete conclusions.

It reminds me of other times in my own life when doors shut again and again to the desires of my own heart; when my plans were torn apart, and every step I took to exert my own will was thwarted. Indeed, I have been brought to my knees, literally, in anguish by what I now see as the hand of God, guiding me to understand one thing: it is not my will that will be done.   As I watch my church family struggle with our reality, I see the same hand of God, bringing us all to our knees in prayer, proving to us again, again, again, that we cannot do without Him.

My small Advent Study group began this last week. I was nervous; new people in my home who had never been before, I wondered how the materials would be appraised by my group members. I forgot to offer a drink to the ladies who arrived first. I trust that they forgive my nerves. The discussion that followed about the mercy, judgment, and promises of God was a rich one that started our group out on a good note. Indeed, it was the one hour in this last week when the spinning of my life stopped. It was the hour that was most remarkable, the most memorable, not so much because of what was said, but for the Spirit that was with us.

Now I lay me down to sleep, I pray the Lord my soul to keep. Thank you for the blessings of my family and friends, a place to live, food to eat, and meaningful work to occupy my days. Help me to hear when You call upon me, help me to do what is set before me, remind me that You wait to hear from me.

November? Really?

November is a great month and a hard month. As a teacher, it's a blustery, indoor-recess, parent conference month. We talk among ourselves about how many parents came, which conferences were great, and sometimes cry on each other's shoulders about the ones that went badly. And there are always a few for which the parents didn't show, didn't call, nothing. I hunt them down.

I am a little pleased with myself that I have an awareness that I need to get ready for Christmas. Usually, I just become stunned and depressed when the Christmas season is suddenly upon me come the day after my birthday at the end of the month. I'm never ready for it, and I always wish I could go back a month and spend time thinking about how I want my holidays to be this year. So, again, I'm glad that I'm thinking about it now.

So my need to be ready has me now hosting an Advent Study Group at my house on Wednesday nights. I'm looking forward to being focused on the "reason for the season" before December rolls around. Maybe the spiritual focus will help me through the good and bad of parent conferencing, as well.

I'm praying for a couple of my friends specifically; one is sick for unknown reasons and the other has lost a mother and has a daughter in the hospital. I pray that they are relieved from pain and grief. In the same breath, I pray my gratitude for my own family and friends who are well, my life, the Candymaker and his son, and the fact that I'm employed as a teacher and I get to do parent-teacher conferences this month.